First draft for the space chimp.

W.A.L.T write a narrative.

Success Criteria

I know I will be successful when….

• The title is suitable for the text.

• The orientation tells who the story is about, and when and where the story happened.
• The complication describes a problem and explains what happened next.
• The resolution explains how the problem was solved.
• Seeks feedback and makes changes to texts to improve clarity and meaning.

This is my first draft and please help me and comment below if something does not make sense to you so I can make a second draft that is better then the one that I have here and help.

Never trust your mentor.

I was scared and excited at the same time they said that I will stay in space for 65 years because of the Pokemon go apocalypse In 1961. I saw some people coming my way it was scary I was shaking.   I was getting ready for the blast in 2 minutes my heart was pounding louder and louder and louder until It stopped in total silence.  In my head it  said oh no as I forgot that there is a electric station near everyone wants to come and get pikachu and evolve him to raichu dam I saw them everywhere it felt like they were going to destroy the spaceship because my mentor caught a legendary Pokemon it was called mew he is really strong and powerful.  

10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 Blast in a split second boom I was going to space my heart pounded and pounded getting louder and louder and then I they said through the radio “have you made it bob the chimp” I said yes because my mentor taught me how to speak English.  Yes I am a chimp on a wild adventure going to see earth the black hole and the stars the beautiful stars.   Suddenly I slept and when I was sleeping it was like I was seeing earth in my dream no one can see me because there eyes are glued to their phone or their tablet just walking around I even saw one person running to get pikachu then ran into a button that said do not press this button or the electric would turn off but he ran into it .  And then  everyone went raging and killed each other because they were ferocious one even grabbed the knife some people didn’t even.

Suddenly I woke up and saw the beautiful stars that were shine as a diamond I saw the hot bursting sun it was awesome and beautiful and then I saw something far more amazing it looked beautiful then when I reached to try and press the button at the bottom corner of my eye I saw the picture of me and my mentor then I thought about what do I look like then I looked at the window and saw myself and then I was sad because I didn’t look the same the I said to myself I look ugly but when I looked at my face and the only thing that looked familiar is my eyes but my white and grey mustache made me think that I am handsome and I liked that look but those wrinkles dam they look ugly in my eyes but still handsome in my head it kept on saying whose that handsome devil it is me but when I was doing that I was thinking about my mentor would he want me back? But when I was going to finish that question I was like a bullet getting shot to earth because in a split second I was going down to earth it was going faster and faster I deployed my parachute and then I was starting to go down slowly and then stop and then I landed onto hard solid ground.

I just felt my body old and weak ouch! My back it hurts like a bee sting.   I was known as the chimp pig because you give me something and I will eat it in one second so when I got back to earth I hope that I was in China because I love their chopsuey they are a delish and they are a delight to me.   Before I got out it was like my eyes were glued to buck my mentor he was a bodybuilder he loved to feed me Chinese chopsuey I miss him.  In my head it said hopes up and then I opened the spaceship door and with a creek coming out of the door slowly I took a tiny peek I saw absolutely nothing just trees  destroyed buildings I thought that Buck would be their but he wasn’t so I was sad then I saw electricity just on and I was scared.  I got out of the spaceship and took my picture of me and buck but I was sad that no one was there and I started to tear up and cried and cried until I stopped.

I ran and ran and tripped up on a Iphone six and I was like in my head what is that thing and then I looked at it properly and I said that was one of those things that destroyed the earth then I took of my shoe that I was wearing and smash the phone into tiny pieces but in a split second it rang and it said Buck I was using my shoe to answer but it didn’t work  so I was screaming out buck buck where are you?  and then the thing went off( The call was off).  I was thinking in my head should I take the thing with me or I shouldn't it kept annoying me in my head then I had my choice I took the phone and saw the game Pokemon go and I started to play it and when I was playing it it lead me to Buck my mentor but when I looked at him I said you look different the only thing that doesn’t look different is your eyes but he said back to me is that you Bob chimp would you be mad with me if I tell you the truth why we sent you to space I said in a happy voice no then he said ok the only reason why we sent you to space was because we were scared if you eat all the food Chimp saying back WHAT!!! I went like a raging pig beating Buck to the bone then when I was calm he was dead then I cried and cried and was left alone for the rest of my life every time I felt weak and tired and then I passed out for eternity.