W.A.L.T: Write a narrative
Success Criteria
I know I will be successful when….
- The title is suitable for the text.
- The orientation tells who the story is about, and when and where the story happened.
- The complication describes a problem and explains what happened next.
- The resolution explains how the problem was solved.
- Seeks feedback and makes changes to texts to improve clarity and meaning.
In Ako Ngatahi we had to write a narrative about a video. It was about a boy opening a present that was a dog with three legs. Here is the video of the present. I hope you enjoy my story.
Hello my name is Lasa, I am a professional gamer, I spend all my time playing game on my xbox 360. When out of nowhere there was my Mum just came walking through the door holding a box coming towards me. Umm, did I do something wrong, In my head I started listing all the bad things that I did then she said I have a present for you I calmed down and gently opened the box seeing a dog in there. It was blonde it was fluffy and it had blue eyes. I said “Wow how awesome!” when I saw that he only had three legs “ugh.” so I threw him away from me I can’t believe you’ve done this Mom I said in a pissed off voice.
Then I went back on my x line 360 later, Suddenly my dog ran to me acting all innocent and cute so I kicked him away saying why should I have someone as dumb as you. Then he spotted a ball and woofed all the way there when he got there he ran and smashed himself against the wall “ha ha”.
He finally got the ball and gave it to me I kicked it away with no interest in the dog he ran up and down left, right and then got the ball and gave it to me, feeling kinda cool and it was awesome because he was clumsy feeling sorry and saying I am very sorry for how I treated you I hope we can be best friends until we die . I grabbed the ball and my crouches because of my left leg so when I got outside and shouted to my mum saying “we will be outside” then threw the ball as far as I could.
Lasa, your orientation is great because you describe the boy and also what the pup looks like. You have given some good examples of the pup's character and also how your feelings towards him changed. I felt that this writing was a bit rushed so please take more time in the future and also proofread your work so that you publish it as best as you can. I look forward to helping you further develop your writing skills.
ReplyDeleteLasa, I like the way that you told us what the colour of the puppy was and what kind of voice you said to the puppy. I think that you might want to read your story again because when you told us then I went back on my x line 360 later on he ran, that doesn't really make sense so if you could change it then you could but so far I like your story.
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting on my blog I will change that right away.
DeleteHi Lasa. I really like the way you write and you put what is the character feeling and you always put capital I and you put some full stops and after the full stop you put a capital letter.
ReplyDelete